The mating dance


On a typical Saturday night ladies everywhere gather up their girls and head out for a big night on the town. Nights on the town usually include the double D’s – dancing and drinking. For us women, the first two steps of a night out are often combined: 1) Getting ready – ladies may do this on their own, or they may congregate at one girl’s house where they get all dolled up together. 2) Pre-drink:  drinks at the bar are expensive as we know. Pre-drinks often involve: obnoxious laughter, one friend being the designated make-up artist, and shots that are usually disgusting.

The next step is getting a cab, arriving at the bar/club, grabbing a drink and heading to the flo’.

Commence the ‘mating dance’

This is where the magic happens. This is where we pull out moves we haven’t done since we were sixteen, where the shy girls no longer seem shy, and the booties are a’bouncin.

‘Semi’ approach:

Step 1) Boy approaches girl, they dance

Step 2) Boy thinks it’s appropriate to press his ‘semi’ on girls leg

Step 3) Girl runs away

***Disclaimer – the  attached pictures are not of a dude using the ‘semi’ approach – he was just trying to grind.

Okokok. What’s that all about? I’m sure that the placement of ‘bone on thigh’ has worked in the past on some girl, but odds are, the lady that your dancing with is a lady and does not want that to happen. I realize that men are always hopeful that they will be getting lucky after the bar, but come on fella’s…there are better moves than that.

Examples: the Robot, the chainsaw, the lawnmower – I’d put money on it that these moves will give you a better chance with the ladies.

At least, if you’re going to keep using the ‘semi’ approach, wait till you have an inkling that she’s into it.

3 signs that she’s into it:

1) She places her bum near the ‘semi’

2) She tries to make out with your face but misses

3) She has EASY stamped on her forehead

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6 responses to “The mating dance

  1. HAHAHA!
    Some guys really just don’t understand the unattractiveness of “boning” a woman. I think the worse is when you’re on the bus or subway and the guy presses everything into your thigh.

  2. Flashbacks to Frequency.

    3 signs she is not into it

    1. She keeps her leg out with a distant body gesture and out of sympathy lets you dry hump her lower calf knee – as she takes a sip of her drink and shakes her head.

    2. Pulls your tongue off her neck and asks why you are licking people’s neck if you do not even know their names

    3. After the leg – directs him to the nearest pole – where he continues to dry hump against it apparently not noticing what he is on – just as long as he is getting “off”

    Great post!:)

  3. it’s hard to fault the guys who practice this technique. i mean, everybody knows babe ruth. and we don’t remember him for his strike outs, we remember for for all the ladys he had sex with.

  4. Forevertwelve…you are too funny!

  5. Why do we do it? Because if there are 50 girls in a room, there’s a decent chance it will work on one of them. Our main objective is to find that one girl before anyone else. But here’s the catch: you never know if someone’s already found her, so you just have to keep doing it all night.

    Robot, chainsaw, lawnmower, dice, sprinkler… all glorious moves, but really only work at hipster bars.

  6. yes yes! number 8! haha

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