Happy Endings


A few weeks ago myself and some friends headed to the cottage for a nice escape from the city. When we were there, a few of the dudes began talking about about all the terms the Porn industry has forever changed. For example: Happy Endings.

To me a ‘happy ending’ is how every Disney and romantic comedy ends – love and enchantment. Now-a-days it means something a little less innocent, and a little more ‘massaged’. AND since porn is everywhere (please note, I’m not really complaining, just pointing out reality) – late night TV, on your computers, on your phones – teenagers no longer have to sneak their older brothers Playboy’s under their beds or stay up really late to watch Baby Blue. What’s that all about? It’s everywhere now, there’s no effort into finding it anymore and because of this these terms are getting more and more tainted and are being used less and less in their natural form.

Anyway, here’s a list of a few other common terms that porn has in some peoples eyes ruined, and in others made better, followed by my ideal definition for each selected term:

Happy Endings – a kiss and a ride off on a unicorn

Facials – getting worked on to have really soft face skin

Pearl Necklace –  an AMAZING gift

Fluff – marshmallow spread

Bear – cuddly and soft –  ex. teddy bear, Smokey the Bear, Care Bears

Tag-team – an efficient partnership

Shocker – news you don’t expect – example statement: “they canceled Big Macs at McDonalds” example response: “whoa, that was a shocker”

Money shot – G-O-A-L, top right corner

Motor-boating – best line from the wedding crashers…this one stands as is

Squirt – Lemony type soda pop

Camel toe – a camels foot

So, now that I’ve encouraged you all to get your heads out of the gutter, try to come up with your own definitions for those terms. It really adds some enjoyment to your day.

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2 responses to “Happy Endings

  1. How about “happy endings” being “a bunch of rear ends curved in such a way as to appear to be smiling. ??? Is that a good one?

  2. I prefer the x-rated thoughts.

    I have a couple of my own that whenever I hear them I automatically think of porn/sex…

    Snapper
    Taco
    Hummer
    Oil Change

    I could go on and on….

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