Word vomit


As I’ve mentioned before, I have little-to-no inner thought. I say most of what I think. This can be good, this can be bad, this can be embarrassing and sometimes, just sometimes this can be funny.

About five years ago I was at a party with people who grew up a little differently than I did. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve had a comfortable, middle class life. I went to summer camp, went cottaging, sailing…bla bla bla. But the people I was hanging out with on this particular day grew up VERY comfortable. Like ‘never having to work a day in their lives if they don’t want to’ comfortable.

So, I was at this party, in this two floor massive penthouse right downtown having a grand ole time, you know; hobnobbing, drinking Absinthe, telling jokes, laughing on the patio…when I got a chill (it was December). Luckily, one of the nice fellows at the party offered me his blazer so I wouldn’t be so cold.

After standing around talking for a while, without thinking I reached into the pocket and pulled out a business card. I asked the owner of the coat what the card was for.

He responded: ‘Oh that’s for my new Ferrari I just bought’

So, without thinking or even blinking, I announced to the entire circle we were standing in that:

“Oh…I drive a 1990 Topaz. Want to trade?”

What’s that all about? It was 2005 and I’m telling someone who just bought a NEW Ferrari that I drive a 15 year old rustmobile? And to top it off, asked him if he wanted to trade. Smooth move Woodall. Smooth move. Needless to say, no one asked for my phone number that night.

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2 responses to “Word vomit

  1. Totally something I would say.

  2. Dude, totally reasonable question. Because chances are a dude bragging about buying (not leasing) a red Ferrari that depreciates by 40% the minute he drives it off the lot is probably too stupid to know it wasn’t a fair trade. You could’ve probably given him your circa-95 Hotwheels and he’d have handed you the keys.

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