Tag Archives: date

Dating = Drinking

Being the ripe ole age of 28 many of my friends are either LISING (aka. living in sin, aka. I’m joking about that term), may as well be LISING or married. So, that being said, I cannot count the times when my coupled off friends have made the comment ‘I haven’t had a drink in forever’ or ‘I haven’t been drunk in AGES’. I, myself am still single and therefore I go out on dates (some months more dates than others, but none-the-less, I am dating).

I’m not implying that I have a drinking problem or a dating problem  – I too will go AGES with out having a drink, however, when you’re dating…you’re drinking. What’s that all about? I will tell you.

Dating = Drinking – It’s a math equation:

1) First dates are awkward interviews. How many times have you been on an interview when you wished you could have a little drink to ease the stress?

2) Pretty much, until you’re ready to get down to business with someone, you want to be in a public setting – aka. Let’s meet for drinks.

3) Sad but true, having one or two drinks makes conversation easier. You’re more relaxed.

4) When it’s a bad date, a good drink can make it better.

5) Since there’s so much awkwardness around:

  • should we kiss?
  • should we not kiss?
  • should I invite him up?
  • should I not?
  • what will happen if I invite him up?
  • do I really want him to stay over?

5 – continued) Sad but true AGAIN, until you’re totally comfortable with someone, a light buzz makes all these decisions easier. It even makes a mad dash to the door a little easier – ex. ‘Oh there’s my cab, gotta go’ and then you bolt without even a high five.

So, when you are actively dating, like say a couple of dates a week, that means  you are having drinks a couple of times a week. So when you take that, and add it to your regular social life it equates to your liver wishing that you’d hurry up and find someone you like and are comfortable with because it’s sick of getting damaged, and your body’s tired of getting fat.

Why are you still single?

Have you ever been on a date when in the middle of the conversation your date asks you the dreaded question…

Why are you still single?

This question is like a taking the pin out of grenade when your not ready. Like Pandora’s box, who knows what could come out. Below are some example responses that may turn your date awkward:

Example – lies

  • I’ve been too busy learning to become an astronaut, I haven’t had much time to date
  • I just haven’t met anyone worth settling down with – odds are that’s a giant lie and really they got DUMPED
  • I’ve been focusing on my band/music and I haven’t had much time for anything – yeah anything…except partying

Example – awkward moments

  • Your date sits and stares blankly at you as they try to think of a response that doesn’t make them seem crazy – my personal favourite
  • They get up and leave the table
  • They get so nervous that their body starts to disagree with them and makes inappropriate noises
  • Your date starts to sweat so much that it looks like they got caught in the rain

Example – honesty you didn’t want to hear

  • I’m clingy
  • I’ve cheated on everyone I’ve dated
  • I don’t shower
  • I’m too busy staying in with my cat to date

For me, when I’m in this situation my first thought is (please read in a completely defensive and aggressive tone)…”Because I am…Dick! Why are you still single? What’s wrong with you?   I’m 28, I’m pretty sure I haven’t reached ‘old hag’ status yet.”

After that knee jerk reaction, I think to myself that the person is asking a fairly reasonable question. They are just checking to make sure that I’m normal.

And then I get really nervous. All of my past mistakes, all of my past relationships, and all of the painful and embarrassing memories I have come rolling through my brain like a tidal wave. What’s that all about?

What I think I should do…well, what we all should do is come up with a calculated response and/or experience, so that if the dreaded question ‘why are you still single’ ever comes our way again we’ll be prepared. We’ll have a battle plan.

My plan:

Accidentally I’ll spill my drink all over the table (maybe it will spill on to my dates lap too…who knows) because of this we’ll need the server to come and help us. By the time the disaster is cleared up, my date will have forgotten that he asked the question that ‘no one should say out loud’ and we can move on to having a lovely, soaked pants dinner.

Ducking solves a lot of problems

A few months back I was out with my girlfriends for a ‘Single Ladies’ night.

First we bought tons of champers (champagne) then we decorated the apartment and put out food. Second…besides my roommate, only one other person showed up – apparently everyone is tied down right now.

So, the three of us feasted, toasted and danced around the apartment.

This night also happened to be one of my best friends birthday celebrations, so because of the large turnout…I mean lack of turnout, we headed her birthday party a little earlier than we had expected. When we arrived, we were greeted with a rainbow of 5 different shots.

Our next plan was to head to a bar that was a short distant from her apartment. When we got to the bar, we headed straight to the back and placed our coats down. There’s always people that we know at this bar, so there was a lot of back and forth from the front to the back.  Because I had a second date the next day with a fellow that I barely knew, I decided that it was time for me to slow down and just socialize for a bit.

On one of my trips from the front of the bar to the back of the bar, I somehow bumped into this insanely cute guy. He was tall, friendly and extremely attractive! We chatted for a bit about the usual small talk: where are you from? what do you do? how much money do you make (JUST KIDDING –  he’s still a student)? Anyway, we were hitting it off, so when he invited me to get a drink I naturally said yes.

We were at the bar for pretty much the rest of the night and we got a little flirty – nothing out of hand…I am a lady after all. We were talking, and I think his arm was around me (or my waist) when I looked up and…

MY DATE FOR THE NEXT DAY WALKED IN.

I couldn’t believe it. What’s that all about? Of all places in this giant city, how did he end up at the same place I was at, especially since we don’t really know each other and we do not run in the same circle.

Now, what does someone do in a situation like this? Well, what I did was:

I ducked.

My new friend at the bar was looking at me like a crazy person as I tried to go all ‘007’ on my date for the next day.

I then said to my new friend “I’m sorry, I don’t know what to do right now. I’m supposed to have a date tomorrow, with a guy I barely know, and he just walked in, and I’m with you, and I don’t know what to do”.

He laughed and responded – “That’s awkward”.

I then suggested that we head to the front of the bar so that I wasn’t in the direct eye line of my date for the next day.

Really, I don’t date that often.  I’m not some sort of serial dater…who does this happen to?

Needless to say, I avoided my date for the rest of the night, and continued to hangout with my new friend.

If you met him, you’d understand this decision.