Tag Archives: dudes

Girls can’t ghost.

At a work outing I was standing with two of my bosses, when they decided that they wanted to head out. They brought up the common question asked before one leaves a bar: “to ghost, or not to ghost?”

Ghosting…What’s that all about?

Ghosting, well one of it’s definitions,  is to leave a bar or event with out letting your friends know – ex. Poof! He’s gone. The thing about ‘ghosting’ is that only men can do it.

Below is what happens if a man decides to ‘ghost’:

  • “Where’d Bill go?” “I don’t know”

Below is a list of reactions that could happen if  a girl decides to ‘ghost’:

  • Excessive calling to their handset
  • Search parties set out on the hunt
  • Other girls in the group yelling at each other
  • Crying, lots of crying
  • Potential fights with friends that could last for years
  • Getting reamed out when found
  • Years of ‘remember when’ stories, that one may have wanted to forget

So ladies, my advice – find one friend and just say bye. It just may save you years of grief.

Confessions from one of the boy’s

In the last few months I’ve been called ‘A princess’, ‘Bridget Jones’, and one of  ‘the dudes’. Apparently, my friends are just as confused about how to describe me as I am. So below is a list of confessions, that if anything, will add more to the confusion:

Confession – I have not been in a committed relationship in 7 years.

Truth be told, I’ve dated people – 1 month here, 3 months there and I’VE been committed to people. But to be in a committed relationship – both partners need to be committed. At least that’s what I’ve discovered.


Because I came out of my last relationship with as many battle wounds as one could come out with  (he was a REAL keeper – I’m pretty sure I needed the 7 years to get over everything) I began to put miles and miles of emotional distance between myself and the men I was dating/interviewing…that is, unless they weren’t really into me. If this was the case, this is when I opened up the most and would totally commit myself because well, that’s the healthy thing to do right?…No takers?

Confession – I have no filter.

Pretty much, I say everything that comes to my head. This can be a good thing…sometimes, in some ways. When it comes to me, what you see is what you get; 100% honesty, awkwardness and word vomit at all times. At a girlfriends last night she pretty much told me that I should ‘censor’ some of what I say so that, a) I don’t come off as crazy, b) I come off as attractive and c) I leave some things to the imagination.

Having no filter means that it’s very, very, very difficult for me to censor myself. I have the urge to say EVERYTHING, jokes, snippy comments, random thoughts that I trail off with. This makes it difficult when it comes to dudes because…well, I can be a lot to handle because you can’t ease into me…you get all of me, all at once. I joked back at her and said that I’m going to end up with a friend who already “loves me just as I am” – please see my Bridget Jones post.

Confession – I sing girly songs, Disney songs, and interpretive dance around my house to the songs from Glee, minimum 4 times a week.

I can’t help it. It’s so much fun to twirl around in sparkly dresses while singing Disney songs.

Confession: I have developed the ability to befriend most men.

Comments like ‘you must have a lot of guy friends’, ‘don’t worry, Jen’s one of the dudes’, &  ‘she may as well be one of the guys’ are common comments I get at work, socially (ex. at my friends 30th birthday party I sat down with her boyfriend and a bunch of guys and that was how I was introduced- glad to start out on a feminine note)  and unfortunately this is sometimes the case with guys that I’m trying to date.

How I managed this – In many ways, my sense of humour is like a boys: I watch Family Guy, Seinfeld, I’m in love with SNL – mainly Will Ferrell and I don’t get squeamish when there’s a bunch of dudes around being dudes and making inappropriate, yet REALLY funny jokes.  Actually, I often chirp in and say something even more obscene. AND I’m a little, just a little flirty. A good ego stroke is good for anyone.

Confession: I work in a male dominated office and LOVE it.

Working with men is an amazing opportunity, with minimal drama (sorry ladies), tons of jokes and a great sense of security because you have 15 big brothers.

Confession: When it comes to dating, I typically get stuck in 3 scenarios – 1) The dude wants to just be my best friend. 2) The dude just wants to bone me. 3) The dude wants to be my best friend and bone me once. What’s that all about?

I constantly get put into this ‘Friend Zone’ where all of a sudden I go from being a woman to being untouchable. I don’t want to be untouchable…I moisturize.

Also, on the exact opposite end of the spectrum, in my life I have heard of many of my male friends saying ‘I just want one chance’, ‘wouldn’t that be fun’…WTF…where’s the longevity? How did ‘one of the boys’ also become a conquest that is not worth dating. I’m not a sure thing, a onetime deal – I’m kinda funny and sometimes I can be fun.

So, even though I’m one of the boys, I’m still a woman. I own close to 50 dresses and if that doesn’t prove how much of a woman I am, I’m not sure what does.

I’m pretty sure that there are some men out there that want to see if there’s a chance between us. BUT – those are never the ones I want. Where’s the fun in having zero chase? That can be the best part – the butterflies and the stress of wondering if ‘he into you’ or if  ‘he’s just not that into you’.

And as the saying goes nice guys do finish last, it’s true…but not forever, the nice guys are the ones we marry after we’re done getting our hearts torn out, stomped on and then spit on.

Confession: I’m still single…but I’m so happy.

Because I’ve had so much time to myself, I’ve been able to cultivate the best, most supportive, large group of friends. I’m very blessed with both the wonderful, amazing and strong women in my life, but also the sweet, kind and caring men that I’ve met.

Confession: Being single for so long, it almost has become a job.

I keep myself busy 5-7 days a week – dance classes, soccer games, friend visits, dates, unnecessarily long hours at work…

Never a chance to be lonely if you’re never by yourself…except on those days when you escape from the world. Those are the best days. No answering the phone, no creeping on facebook. Just some movies and my paint brush.

So whether I’m battling through the Friend Zone, telling perverted jokes, or day dreaming of marrying Prince Harry, I’ll still word vomit all of my inner thoughts just for a laugh.

Guest post – Straight and bake

A few months ago I discovered this blog by a girl named Jessica:

’20 something female who wouldn’t call herself a Pulitzer winner, but then again if Al Gore can win a Nobel Peace Prize an Emmy and an Oscar…she can do anything.’

She wrote about similar things that I write about, and she was pretty darn funny! We began commenting back and forth on each others blog…and now, she’s my first guest blogger. So have a read, and also check out her blog! http://www.jessicadruck.blogspot.com/

Bake and straight

What’s up with guys who love to bake but swear they are straight? No, I’m not talking about that Rocco Dispirito guy who is actually pretty sexy. I am talking about guys who are in the Glee club, collect different sized muffin tins and actually get a joy from the baking aisle in grocery stores.

These guys also—typically–have girlfriends. I have to wonder: what’s that all about? Don’t the girls know they probably care more about their Zucchini bread and whether or not it has a moist center as opposed to how much he turns her on?

What’s worse? These guys are not shy about their Martha Stewart traits. I will remain neutral on this, but I have friends who openly post status’ on social networks discussing their various baked goods and how “yummy, tasty, mmMMmmmmM good” they are. Not to mention, the statements are followed with several exclamation points and possible hearts.

I have also seen their various products at a mixture of parties that involve cheap beer, drunk twenty year olds and one perfectly poised plate of homemade brownies on a doily, sprinkled in powdered sugar and perfectly garnished with strawberries.

What makes this worse? These guys are usually doing this from scratch and also baking for the masses. Yeah, are you thinking what I’m thinking? Remember when your mom used to bake cupcakes for your Birthday when you were eight so you would bring them to class? Well, you were eight, and as anti-feminist as this may sound, that was her domestic duty as a mother.

The only domestic duty I want my boyfriend to have is cooking me a hearty dinner and refilling my alcoholic beverage (dessert sauce on each other is the only “baking” allowed).

***Jenerally…if I could find a dude who baked…I’d love it. My sweet tooth is insatiable sometimes.

Meat…sorry I mean Meet Markets.

A few Friday’s ago me and a few girlfriends went out to the Bier Markt for some after work bevies.

Within minutes of finding a table and getting settled, swarms of dudes began to approach our table.

We were batting them off like flies. And, although it was very flattering, we could not understand why all this attention was coming our way.

Mind you, we were all attractive ladies. However, never have we (or at least never have I) been in a situation like this.  What’s that all about? It was as though we took a shower in pheromones before we headed to the bar.

But then…I looked around.

First, I looked at the girls I was with – a hot little Asian, a hot brown chick, a tall hot blonde and myself a short, spunky, curvy little blonde.

Pretty much we were a Charlie’s Angels fantasy in real life.

Second,  I looked around the bar and noticed that after we kept to ourselves and did not engage the male visitors – as it was a much needed catch up – these men moved on.

They moved on to EVERYONE. They were on a mission. I was actually quite impressed with how fast they jumped from group to group.

I would put money on it, that most of the men, did not sleep alone that night. However, I’m sure some of them may have had to resort to the good ole ‘floor scraping’ technique.

Floor Scraping

Definition:

This is when a male or female goes home with the drunkest, sloppiest ‘mate’ at the bar that they had to ‘scrape’ up off the floor.  Often this ‘mate’ is met at the end of the night when the ugly lights have come on.

Example Sentence:

Men or women will sometimes resort to ‘floor scraping’ at the end of the night if they have not succeeded with option 1, option 2, or… option 15.