Tag Archives: McDonalds

Happy Endings

A few weeks ago myself and some friends headed to the cottage for a nice escape from the city. When we were there, a few of the dudes began talking about about all the terms the Porn industry has forever changed. For example: Happy Endings.

To me a ‘happy ending’ is how every Disney and romantic comedy ends – love and enchantment. Now-a-days it means something a little less innocent, and a little more ‘massaged’. AND since porn is everywhere (please note, I’m not really complaining, just pointing out reality) – late night TV, on your computers, on your phones – teenagers no longer have to sneak their older brothers Playboy’s under their beds or stay up really late to watch Baby Blue. What’s that all about? It’s everywhere now, there’s no effort into finding it anymore and because of this these terms are getting more and more tainted and are being used less and less in their natural form.

Anyway, here’s a list of a few other common terms that porn has in some peoples eyes ruined, and in others made better, followed by my ideal definition for each selected term:

Happy Endings – a kiss and a ride off on a unicorn

Facials – getting worked on to have really soft face skin

Pearl Necklace –  an AMAZING gift

Fluff – marshmallow spread

Bear – cuddly and soft –  ex. teddy bear, Smokey the Bear, Care Bears

Tag-team – an efficient partnership

Shocker – news you don’t expect – example statement: “they canceled Big Macs at McDonalds” example response: “whoa, that was a shocker”

Money shot – G-O-A-L, top right corner

Motor-boating – best line from the wedding crashers…this one stands as is

Squirt – Lemony type soda pop

Camel toe – a camels foot

So, now that I’ve encouraged you all to get your heads out of the gutter, try to come up with your own definitions for those terms. It really adds some enjoyment to your day.

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BCP – Butter Chicken Poutine

So last week Max came into work and told me that our neighbourhood lunch spot changed their menu and now carries Butter Chicken Poutine. I couldn’t believe it. They combined two of the best things in the world:

Poutine & Butter Chicken

I asked myself – could this be good? Having nothing food related to compare it to, I thought about people. When two good looking people procreate, their children are either a) a perfectly beautiful mix of the two of them, or b) a not so great mix (you know what I getting at).

After much thought about this, I decided I had to know (but I still wasn’t ready to commit). So I called. The girl at the restaurant was very nice. I asked her if it was true – she said yes, BCP was on the menu. I said to her Butter Chicken Poutine, what’s that all about? You guys took two of my favourite things and made them one.  I asked her if it was good, she said that it looked good. I asked her if she tried it, she said not yet. I asked her if it smelt awesome, and she said she didn’t know because she had not yet tried it (in my mind you don’t need to eat something in order to smell it, but I let that slide).  After I hung up the phone I still felt unconvinced. I didn’t know what to do. I wanted to try it, but $14 is a lot for poutine.

A week went by, and finally a few of us from the office got enough courage to decide that we were going to try it. We were going to try it, but how many. Did we each want one? Did we want to go in on sharezees? That said, I called her again. First I called and said that I wasn’t ready and that I’d call back. Then I called and asked how much it was including tax ($13.61 or something like that). Then I told her I had to call her back because we needed to make a plan.

THE PLAN: 5 ppl. – 1 poutine – 5 forks – $3 each and McDonalds to fill us up

Conclusion: The poutine was delicious. More like bbq chicken with some butter chicken sauce, cheese curds and fries. Would I pay $14 again for it? No, but if I got 5 people to go splitski’s with me I would.