Tag Archives: tay

Along came a spider

Where I work, primarily, I work directly with Tay. She and I are like partners in crime -aka. Batman and Robin (I will at some point write about an email chain I once had explaining our ‘worknership’ – I’m in marketing, I can make words up if I want to).  To sum it up, we send joint emails, if someone makes fun of her I push them, we bicker in public…you get the gist.

Anyway, in April we had two wonderful employees (Scotty and Laura) leave to start their next life adventures.  Because of this we were all heading out, having some cocktails and then going to Lou Dawgs for some Loutine…mmm Loutine!

Despite the fact that we work in a fairly young office, we rarely go out as a company. We don’t really go for after work drinks and we don’t really meet up on weekends unless it’s a birthday. For the most part, we have SO much fun together during the week (I promise that isn’t sarcastic), that we are all fine to see our other friends on evenings and weekends…plus almost everyone here is married or may as well be.

On this particular day, in the morning Tay-bird screamed in excruciating itchiness that she had a huge bug bite that looked like a spider bite. So, she rubbed a little cream on it and hoped it would chill out shortly.

Side note: On this particular day Tay was right and ready to go out – this is a very rare occasion, one that must be celebrated to the highest extent that one can celebrate.

The festivities began right when the clock hit 5:30. We had a champagne toast, gave some cards and played some Rock Band. This is when we noticed that her spider bite was starting to swell.

We headed to our destination, got out of our perspective cars and walked over to Lou Dawgs. Her foot at this point pretty much doubled in width and was now spreading up her cankle – oh sorry, I meant ankle.

She and I walked over to Shoppers Drug Mart, where the pharmacist suggested that she may need to go to the hospital if the spreading did not stop. Drunk and in disbelief, she and I headed to the allergy pill section and up to the cash. Her foot had now started to change colours and was ginormous, so naturally, forgetting we were in public,  we began speaking in Tay’s foot voice:

“I will crush you” said the foot.

We headed back to the party and to our dismay she had to leave because her foot hurt too much.

It turned out that she ended up having to go to the emergency room the next day because it started to spread up her leg. What’s that all about? AND on the one night she was ready let her hair down –  she gets bit by a SPIDER? That’s just crazy.

Tay-bird was the butt of jokes when she returned back to the office – after having to take a sick day to elevate her poor little (giant) foot. So, over the next few weeks, her foot was assigned  a few TO-DO’s on our scheduling board:

1) Change colour

2) Get smaller

3) Learn Spanish

Damn foot didn’t learn Spanish, but after a month completed the first two -TO-DO’s. In conclusion, some crazy spider bug bit Tay and now when she goes home at night time she looks like this:

Raisin’ da Roof on The After Show

Last year I attended the filming of The Hills After Show when it was time for Lauren Conrad to give her sign off.

I’m the bitchy looking one in directly behind and in between Jesse and Dan.

Confession #1

I don’t really watch the Hills. If it’s on I can get into it, but for the most part, reality ‘ain’t my thing’. I do however love the gossip and love getting caught up on it.

Confession # 2

My ticket was given to me for free last minute and I happened to have the best seat in the house!

Anyway, when we first got there they told us not to make any funny faces or be weird in front of the camera or we’d get kicked out. But then Tay from work text me that she could see me on TV and that she wanted me to ‘raise the roof’.

Well, a dare is a dare.

When LC was done talking and everyone was applauding, I looked left, I looked right, and then I ‘raised the roof’ in front of millions of people. What’s that all about? Have I no shame? Who ‘raises the roof’ past 1997?

BUT THEN…tonight I was watching The After Show with my roommate (she loves that kind of TV) and the costume director or designer (insert some big fashion position) for the show Gossip Girl ‘raised the roof’ because he liked Olivia’s outfit!

Just sayin’ – I’m ahead of my time. That is all.

Meat…sorry I mean Meet Markets.

A few Friday’s ago me and a few girlfriends went out to the Bier Markt for some after work bevies.

Within minutes of finding a table and getting settled, swarms of dudes began to approach our table.

We were batting them off like flies. And, although it was very flattering, we could not understand why all this attention was coming our way.

Mind you, we were all attractive ladies. However, never have we (or at least never have I) been in a situation like this.  What’s that all about? It was as though we took a shower in pheromones before we headed to the bar.

But then…I looked around.

First, I looked at the girls I was with – a hot little Asian, a hot brown chick, a tall hot blonde and myself a short, spunky, curvy little blonde.

Pretty much we were a Charlie’s Angels fantasy in real life.

Second,  I looked around the bar and noticed that after we kept to ourselves and did not engage the male visitors – as it was a much needed catch up – these men moved on.

They moved on to EVERYONE. They were on a mission. I was actually quite impressed with how fast they jumped from group to group.

I would put money on it, that most of the men, did not sleep alone that night. However, I’m sure some of them may have had to resort to the good ole ‘floor scraping’ technique.

Floor Scraping

Definition:

This is when a male or female goes home with the drunkest, sloppiest ‘mate’ at the bar that they had to ‘scrape’ up off the floor.  Often this ‘mate’ is met at the end of the night when the ugly lights have come on.

Example Sentence:

Men or women will sometimes resort to ‘floor scraping’ at the end of the night if they have not succeeded with option 1, option 2, or… option 15.

Headphones all around me

Lately at work, I’ve been working alone in the boardroom because I am researching and I need to focus. Today, was the first day I sat at my desk in about 2 weeks. Five minutes after sitting at my desk, I noticed that people who don’t normally put headphones on all were racing to “listen to music”.

Taybird

What’s that all about? I think they are implying that I talk too much.

Chris Bosh – Sub Slap Comments

It’s been over a week since my last post. After writing 3 posts in 2 days, I got a little writers block. Not because of how I had nothing to say (if you knew me, you’d know I have LOTS to say), the reason is that I wanted to find something to write about that would make people laugh.

So…I went to Max (one of my many inspirations). He suggested that I write about all the ridiculous/funny/insightful/idiotic comments that people are posting on the Chris Bosh, First Ink videos on YouTube. Please note that this is relevant because we spent the last 6 months working on that project.

Fave quote 1:

“LMAO Chris Bosh is hilarious slapped that sandwich on the ground i gussed bosh doesn’t like 5 dollar foot longs”

Someone so kindly responded to this quote saying: “Chris Bosh is a nice guy…. Im sure he repaid her with another kind of foot long… if u catch my drift.”

For real?? – We caught your drift… He must have repaid her with a toasted 5 dollar foot long.

Fave quote 2:

“Duuuude. That was a perfectly good looking sandwich. Should have just flashed her or something.”

You know, I’d have to agree with that. That sub looked tasty.

Fave quote 3:

“that looked like a good sandwich you should of just punched her in the face.”

Punch her in the face? Are you kidding? How could anyone want to punch a cute little face like that?  That’s pretty much sacreligious. Just sayin’.

Fave quote 4:

“don’t be flashin’ yo sandwich like you’re better than me. I’ll smack that sandwich out yo hand leaving bread in the streets. I’ll smack a gyro, a euro or a BLT. Rubbing condiments in your eyes, repetitively.”

Seriously, I don’t even know what that meant. The only thing I got from that is that I never want to meet you because you’re scary.

Absolute fave quote:

“I’d let that asian girl bite my foot long 😉 that white girl too!!!”

Sure, you have a foot long. What’s that all about? Like anyone would believe that someone who has enough time to post on YouTube about their foot long has a foot long. Well maybe you have a foot long, but I’d put money on it that  your foot is a size 6.

That’s it for today. More to come. Please go on to Chris Bosh’s  YouTube channel to watch more of the video’s. They are p-r-e-t-t-y funny.

OMG – (yeah, I just OMG’d in a blog) I almost forgot one:

“that skinny asian couldn’t finish a sandwich like that, nor would she have the time, she has to study.”

I think this one speaks for itself.