Tag Archives: Windsor

Nothing like getting pants’d

My 21st birthday was quite a series of fortunate and unfortunate events.

Fortunate:

  • My godparents gave me the best bottle of Champers I’ve had to date!
  • My friends from Windsor drove up to see me
  • My roommates hosted a mini-pre party before the real party
  • My boyfriend at the time (Darren) came up with a childhood friend of mine (let’s call him Carl Fyons)
  • We had a million people sleep over because the party was so good, including my roommates brother Jack

Unfortunate:

  • I was diagnosed with Mono that afternoon
  • When helping my boyfriend unpack the car, I took out bags that belonged to his friends that drove him to Guelph – they were on their way to a wedding near Toronto, and I took their suits on them…oops
  • Jack pants’d me
  • Carl Fyons saw my bird

So, because I had Mono, my boyfriend and I took off early from the bar to go to bed. When everyone came home they were all loud, drunk and still rowdy, so I went up to see how the rest of the night was.

Jack was passed out on one of the three couches in our living room, so I stood in front of him and was talking to the girls and Carl. Then all of a sudden, I felt a tug on my PJ’s and my pants were on the floor. I got pants’d. What’s that all about? Who pants a girl? Apparently Jack does.

With my bare bottom in Jack’s face and my lady parts exposed to the girls and Carl, I pulled my t-shirt down, sat on the couch and yelled to the room “Carl Fyons saw my bird”.

I wasn’t mad that Jack pants’d me, in truth it was really funny. But c’mon, who pants a girl?

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Summer of trouble

When I was 20 years old, I decided that I wanted to spend my summer vacation from university in Windsor. I ended up getting a job at Pepper’s.

 

This place was wild. People would line up for 2 hours to get in to this bar. It was incredible.

  • There was a cage for dancing.
  • My good friend Stacey was the QUEEN of body shots for bachelor parties.
  • Friday and Saturday nights consisted of hot body contests and bikini contests.

For the most part, I grew up in a conservative house hold. I’m not talking right wing craziness, but my dad is an engineer and my mom is a teacher. So pretty much, I grew up wearing gloves to Sunday school and I can set a mean table.

I was a little shy at that point in my life (please note that I said ‘a little’). So when I started at Pepper’s, I wore a tank top under my vest and my skirt went to just above my knee.

Anyway, after about a month of working at Pepper’s, I was getting frustrated because the girls were making more money than me. So, I followed suit. I lost 15lbs, hiked up the skirt, ditched the tank top under the vest and bought about 5 push up bra’s. My tips, went from $100/night to $200/night with just a little cleavage.

I was working 5-6 days a week, and was allowed to get off early one-two shift per week. We were like a happy little family. A bunch of girls, who once were ladies, got dressed in our mini uniforms and headed to work. It was one of my favourite times in my life.

On one occasion in particular, I was heading out the door on my way to work, when one of my parent’s friends said:

“That’s your uniform? You look like a street walker.”

What’s that about? Really if you go out now, you’re lucky if girls remember to put underwear on underneith their little mini dresses. I had on tights AND panties. I was a step a head of the game.

Needless to say, my parents were not all that impressed with me. So when I was asked to Jello wrestle ($150 for 1.5 minutes) at our sister club, I turned it down.

PJ’s in public

Before I write this post, I would like to apologize if I offend you.

Over the Chrismukka holidays I went back to Windsor to celebrate with my parents. When it comes to things like purchasing gifts/cards or mailing letters, I have a horrible tendency to procrastinate.

That said, because of my procrastination habits I had to go to the mall to pick up some last minute gifts. While there I made an astute observation that made me irate:

Several people were out in public in their reindeer PJ’s.

What’s that all about? I mean, has our culture gotten so casual that it’s OK to go out in public in your pajamas? No offense, but REALLY – get dressed.

Does it really take longer to zip up your jeans then tie up that draw string? How does one select which PJ’s to wear?  Does one wear the teddy bear print, or the flower print?  For me I find that if I’m extra lazy on a particular day, I’ll just put a dress on. It’s an outfit in one piece. SUPER EASY.

JS-ing – PJ’s are for home.

Confession – when I was in high school and possibly university, I too may have been guilty of this horrific offense (please feel my shame as I write this). I have since seen the error in my ways. When you leave your house, you never know who you’ll run into or meet, so why would you look like a train-wreck on purpose?

I guess, if it’s super late night and you’re running to the store, maybe just maybe you can be the exception. But it better be the corner store, and it better be really late!

Big Beaver Road

For those of you who are not from Windsor/Detroit – this picture is of a real exit and a real road just outside of Detroit.

What’s that all about? I love city planners!

Leafs vs Wings

After the glorious team Canada win on Sunday, I have decided that I am going to become a hockey fan once again.

Seriously, the sport couldn’t be more exciting! Like sit on the edge of your seat, bite all your nails off exciting.

Like many Canadians I grew up in an arena. When I wasn’t figure skating, I was watching my brother or my friends play hockey. I was in an arena 7 days a week. I watched hockey all through high school, then half way through university the strike happened, and my attention was lost. I started watching things like Paradise Hotel:

What’s that about? Whore Hotel? How could shows like this take precedence over hockey? What was my problem?!

Back to hockey:

Because I grew up in a suburb of Detroit (aka Windsor) I was always a Red Wings fan. Let’s be serious…they won the Stanley Cup in 97/98/02/08 AND Stevie Y may have been the best looking man who ever played the sport.

However, when I moved to Guelph for university, I was no longer able to watch Wings games and by default became a Leafs fan. I watched when Mats Sundin would dance around the net and get it in every time. Yeah, I saw that. However,  as I stated above the strike came along and I lost all interest in hockey.

That is…until now.

BUT, who do I support? I have no idea who any of the players any more. Dougy Gilmour doesn’t play. I’m currently at a total loss as to who I want to favour in the NHL.

Pros for the Leafs

An all round Canadian Team.

I live in Toronto.

I like their uniform.

Cons for the Leafs

They don’t win.

Pros for Detroit

They win!

Cons for Detroit

Can’t watch the games.

Have no idea who plays on the team.

A tire and a wing? That’s the ugliest thing I’ve ever seen!

Solution

OK…I think I’ve come to a conclusion; I will support the Leafs in every game except Detroit games.  Maybe it’s a little cowardly, but I can like two teams at once, can’t I?

I will however, vow to myself to not forget my love of the game ever again.

Hi Wayne…Hiiiiiiii

In first year university, my roommate Teri (an avid snowboarder) took me out on the mountain (small hill) for the first time.

On my floor pretty much everyone snowboarded, had snowboarded, or dated snowboarders. Being from the flattest place in the world – a.k.a. Windsor – I grew up on skates, not boards or skis. So naturally being a wannabe, I decided to purchase a snowboard, boots and bindings from a friend on my floor.

OK so…Teri and I arrive at the hill. We locked our stuff in lockers and head over the chairlift. While on the lift Teri said to me “Are you going to be ok getting off?” I, being the overconfident-I-think-I’m-an-athlete-but-I’m-not of course answered…”Sure, no problem”.

We get to where you’re supposed to get off the lift and of course I bailed. I looked up and my camp ex-boyfriend/ex-crush (whatever he was) was working the lift…of course he was, what’s that all about? Anyway, I saw him, lifted my head raised my right arm and waved at him saying “Hi Matty”. Then BAM the next chair on the lift smoked me in the of the head. Matt, then had to pick me up and carry me to the side so I wouldn’t get trampled on by the other riders.

Sometimes I think a bloopers camera should follow me around.

Diet pop, diet coke?

A few years ago Superbowl XL was held in Detroit. I was living in Windsor at the time and working for the catering company that had all of the Canadian major media events.

There was this one event in particular that was held at the Windsor Art Gallery. Media coverage was there, Canadian and local celebrities were there, as well as the former Governor General of Canada(or so I was told – regardless he was a friendly, prestigious looking proper man with grey hair).

Obviously it wasn’t this guy…

Because I was one of their best servers and had the most experience (I went to school for hospitality), I was put in charge of taking care of what ever the former Governor General’s table wanted.

So…I took their drink order. At the table was the GG, the Mayor of Windsor and two other people who I had no idea who they were. I started with the ladies and worked my way around. They ordered a glass of wine, a ginger-ale, the GG ordered a rum and coke (I think) and the mayor ordered a diet pop – who orders a diet pop? So, I translated the order in my mind to a diet coke.

As I stood beside the GG, my next step was to repeat the order back to them to ensure that I had it correct. I said:

“Ok, that’s a glass of red wine, a ginger-ale, a rum and coke and a diet cock

Mortified, my face flushed. No one laughed, they all looked at me in disgust, except the Governor General. He laughed. I patted his shoulder, said thank you and pretty much ran away.

What’s that all about? Who says the C-word to someone who represents the QUEEN? I still can’t believe I accidentally said that. I swear I have manners.